Metro Humor

My attempt at humor...I might just try to put together a stand up routine with this for the next No-Talent Talent Show, so let me know if it's funny.  (and no stealing my material ;)

The Rush Hour Metro Car

If you've ever traveled around Washington DC you know a few things- the metro map is less confusing than New York's, the metro itself is more dim than Chicago's, more quiet than Boston, and less smelly than New York.  You also know that Rush Hour is a whole other ball game...

Let's first get the lay of the land, the geography of the Rush Hour Metro Car.
(click on the image to make it larger)

The sweet spot, yes you have to stand but no one's bag is trying to get to second base with you and there's even enough room to hold a book.

Coveted seats, the space you get if you're early or very late for work.

The seat that could have been yours if you were brave enough to ask the person to move their apparently very important bag.

Skinny Spot, the spot you wish you were thin enough to fit into.

The line, many metro commuters, and almost all 'I'm scared to miss my stop' tourists will NOT cross this line to get the the sweet spot.

The mosh pit, doesn't matter how many people there are, more seem to be added, even that guy who won't take his backpack off. Hope your deodorant is working.

The danger zone, no matter how crowded- stay away as the doors close or you'll be the reason the doors open and close 8 times.

The lean spot, I don't care what my arm looks like smooshed against the glass, I won't be falling on my neighbor with this handy leaning wall.

The Rush Hour Metro Passenger

The put together girl- cute outfit, stylish traveling shoes, versatile but professional bag, and her hair still looks good at the end of the day. Needless to say, I want to be this girl.

The nervous tourist- which train are they on? Which stop is next? Where are the Smithsonian gift bags? Oh! There's the river! Honey, did you see the river?

The clueless tourist- the Smithsonians closed and now they don't know where to go. Similar to the nervous tourist but without the worry.

The tired tourists- oh they are so energized when they go out in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed. After a hard day of walking slow in museums and dodging runners on the National Mall, they return with tired feet and a disheveled appearance.

That cute guy- he's reading an interesting book and if I were that put together girl I might just...

The two BFFs- they think everyone in the car wants to hear about how lame guy x was on Saturday.

The music enthusiast- this person is apparently is hard of hearing, or will be. Who knew earbuds could be powerful enough to be the musical background for half a metro car?

The sports fan- Capitols or Nationals, often in business attire and a ball cap (I think this is unique to DC- or at least how many there are in this attire).

The nice guy- he gave up his seat for that pregnant lady. Award? 5 man points.

The intern- proudly displaying their security badge, and wondering if their new outfit will impress the front office staff, they look around with high hopes and excitement.

The rest of us- somewhere in between all these, lies the average commuter. I've been some form of a lot of these at one time or another- even that put together girl.